How to tell someone their behaviour isn't acceptable and you want it to improve: The FEWER script.

This is transcript of the video.

Hi. I'm Mark McPherson.
In this video, I'm going to give an overview of a surefire method
-for telling someone their behaviour is not satisfactory and you want their behaviour to improve,
-for telling someone there's a problem with a product or service and you want it fixed, or
simply
-telling someone that things aren't quite right and you want things to get better, to improve.

The particular technique, the particular method I'm talking about is what I call the FEWER script. F-E-W-E-R. It's an acronym. Every letter stands for something.

FACTS. EXPLAIN the problem. Tell them what you WANT. EXPLAIN why that'll be a good thing, and then mention REWARDS and punishments. So let's have a look at it.
It's an incredibly useful technique, by the way. It has a wide application. Very very useful in many types of tough conversations. Very useful sometimes, when you need to put an end to bad behaviour or deal with difficult people. Incredibly useful in interpersonal communication, and very important when we need to be diplomatic yet assertive.

I'm going to give the example, I'm going to explain the FEWER script, by giving the example of a parent dealing with a teenager who hasn't done the right thing. So, here goes.
F and E goes together. You need to tell the person the FACTS, and then EXPLAIN why it's a problem. Now I should just say that I'm going to give you the formal FEWER script. People will naturally change it to make it a bit more informal to fit the particular circumstances. And then of course, what people also do is personalise it to fit their particular approach and needs. So, let's go with the parent with the teenager.

So, FACTS and EXPLAIN. Now the FACTS of the situation, for example.
"John, I've come home and I told you this morning to tidy up your room, but it's not tidy." That's the FACTS. That's it. What the camera saw.

Not "John, you've let me down again." "John, you're really annoying." "John, you can't be trusted." All those things might be true, of course, but they're not what the camera saw. We need to just stick with the FACTS. This is if you want to win - get the best possible result you can for all concerned.

The FACTS are - whatever they happen to be EXPLAIN. "That's a problem for me, John, because I told you today to do it." "This is an issue, John, because we've got people coming at seven o'clock and I expected your room to be tidy." "This is not good enough, John, because your room is being painted tomorrow and all the clothes have to be off the floor." Whatever it happens to be. But just FACTS and EXPLAIN. That's it. Boring and dull, I know.

The W and E, you may never have to do this. By the way, sometimes, F and E does the trick. People will simply feel remorseful, feel bad, and go and do what needs to be done. FACTS, EXPLAIN but quite often you need this up your sleeve, at least, because sometimes you actually might have to use it, the W and E.

Just for example. "John, what I want you to do in future is always do exactly what I've asked." That's the WANT, and you EXPLAIN why that's a good thing:
"Because that'll make sure everyone here is pulling their weight." "That'll make sure that I don't have to repeat myself." "That'll make sure that I can go to work knowing that the jobs are going to be done." Whatever it happens to be. The WANT might be "I want you to go in that room right now and tidy it up." Whatever. Okay?

FACTS, EXPLAIN what the problem is, tell them what you WANT, EXPLAIN why it's a good thing.

Now here comes R for REWARDS and PUNISHMENTS. This is important. Because we should reward people for good behaviour. We should acknowledge them. But you might also have to have punishments up your sleeve. So as I said, you might only have to go F and E. But you need to have up your sleeve W and E.

Teenagers have a habit, I've found, of saying things like, well so what, it's not a real problem, I'll do it tomorrow. No, I want you to do this right now, and this is why.

The REWARDS might be simply "That'll be fantastic. All is forgotten." "That'll be great." "I really appreciate it, that'll be great. Whatever it happens to be. There might be lollies, there might be rewards. Unlikely to be monetary rewards, but, whatever it happens to be.

But here comes the PUNISHMENT. Sometimes parents have to say this extra bit. "If I come home tomorrow night and it's not done, then you can't borrow the car on the weekend." I don't know what it happens to be. Reduction of pocket money. Parents know this stuff pretty well, they're used to it. But if you want the best possible result, and maintain the best possible relationship with the person you're dealing with. If you don't, doesn't matter. Just say whatever you like. But if you want the best possible outcome:

FACTS, EXPLAIN why that's a problem, or it's not good enough, W, what you WANT in future to happen, EXPLAIN why it's a good thing, REWARDS and punishments.